After going through my blog I realized I haven't posted a single entry since after running the half-marathon almost 1 year ago. So many things have changed! After much thought and consideration I decided it was time to run the marathon. I struggled with whether I was ready or not but decided why wait? Life is much too short and putting off something just because you are scared or uncertain is not the way to go! I came across this from a blog post and it summarized exactly what I was thinking:
"If you’re thinking about doing it, stop. Plenty of people think. They have dreams and ambitions and goals, and they’re beautiful… but you need to become a person who stops thinking and starts doing." (From: http://www.nomeatathlete.com/couch-to-ironman/ an excellent read).
I signed up for the marathon in Toronto back in February. It is October 16, 2011.
(This one: http://www.torontowaterfrontmarathon.com/en/index.htm)
I started training June 20th and decided to follow an 18 week training plan found here:
http://www.marathontraining.com/marathon/metric2.html
I thought initially the training program wasn't so bad. The program suggested to have a solid base before starting but I thought since I had been triathlon training all winter I would be good to go. The program went well right up until week 8 and 9. Up until this point I had been progressing nicely and I had just finished my last long run (26km) at a reasonable pace of 6:36 min/km. Then it hit. I missed my long mid-week run because of soreness and overall tiredness. Then the next long run came - 29 km. It was awful. I hit the wall around 23 km and couldn't run anymore. I had tears in my eyes but no energy to cry. I experienced the most intense feeling of thirst I have ever had. I thought I could make it through 29 km without fluids. Boy was I wrong. I saw a discarded gatorade bottle on the side of the road and it took all my self-restraint from reaching down and drinking the remaining few millilitres. I managed to do a combination of walking/running (mostly walking) and finished the 29 km in 3h32m. The following week was a well deserved rest week and I thought I had finally put myself back together. Boy was I wrong. I set out for my long Sunday morning run of 32 km. This is probably the worst run I have ever experienced in my life. The wonderful weather network had predicted cloud and rain with a high of 24C. I thought perfect, if my run goes a little longer the heat won't kill me. Wrong again. The day turned out to be HOT, HUMID, and SUNNY. At least for this run I had learned from my previous mistakes and had bought a camelback from MEC so I could continuously drink on my run. This worked for the first 20 km and then it happened again, it was like my energy was completely knocked out of me. I couldn't run more than 5 mins without having to stop and walk for a good 10 mins. My amazing pace I had maintained up to here dropped like a lead weight. I walked/ran the remaining 12 km home. I ended up finishing this "run" in 4h20m, my pace was 8:06 min/km. If I wasn't so exhausted I would have been horribly upset. I got home, showered and slept the day away.
The following week I only managed to run 10 km. I was exhausted. I woke up Saturday morning (almost one week after the 32 km run) and I wanted to cry. I didn't want to leave my bed all day, just lifting my feet out of bed felt like the end of the world. My mum called to talk to me and I started crying uncontrollably. This was not right - I was overtraining. It had gotten to a point where I didn't want to eat, or sleep, and I sure as hell did not want to run, I just wanted to sit in my bed and stare at the ceiling. Then slowly I came out of it. I rested and ran as slow as humanly possible. Then it was time for my next 32 km run. I was beyond scared, the last experience had scarred me. Would I be able to finish it? What was the point? It was a Sunday morning of a long weekend, why did I have to get up at the crack of dawn to run 4 hours when all it did was make me miserable? It was cold and it was wet. Why the hell was I doing this again?? Self-doubt set in and I felt frustrated with myself for feeling this way, scared I might not meet my goal, and upset that obviously I wasn't doing something right. I felt this challenge was impossible. Not for other people, just for me. I had bitten off more than I could chew and it was finally catching up to me. However that blog I had read previously had this to say:
" I hate the word “impossible.” Hate it, hate it, hate it.
Anyone who does an Ironman needs to learn to hate that word, too. You’ll hear it a lot during your training, and it’ll sneak into your thoughts now and then, after a bad run or when you panic during your first open-water swim start."
And somehow I throw myself out of bed that morning, geared up, mixed up my gatorade and headed out the door into the pouring rain at 6:30 am on a holiday Sunday. I had to run on the shoulder of a dirt road and it got to the point where the sand shoulder was like quicksand. Then it really started pouring. I said to myself, this is it. I am stopping. This isn't worth it. Then something happened. A little tiny voice inside my head said - just one more step. Put one foot in front of the other and just DO IT. And that's what I did. I told myself - OK. If it is still this bad in 30 mins then I will stop. After 30 mins I said OK, in the next 20 mins if its this bad I will stop etc ... and this went on until my wonderful brother joined me. Together we finished the run and with better pacing and a better mental attitude I was able to finish this run in 4h07m. Certainly not a fast run by anybody's standards but faster than before and I had finished without feeling absolute exhaustion. This, although a small step, was amazing progress for me. And so it continues. I have one more long run (this Sunday) before the mileage drops drastically into taper mode before the marathon. I am still nervous about these long distances because your mind is amazing at playing tricks on you and telling your body it can't do it. I saw this quote awhile back and I think it's perfect:
"The mind tells the body it can't, but the body doesn't have to listen"
With just over 3 weeks to go until the big day I have conflicting thoughts. I know the marathon race day itself is only one day and is a product of the last 18 weeks of hardcore running but I still have worries. Will I even finish? Will I hit the dreaded wall? How will I feel after? Have I prepared myself adequately? Should I have run more years before attempting the huge challenge that is the marathon? However, the only way to know the answers to these questions is to just get out there and do it!
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